» On 8/21/2021 07:00:00 PM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Screwed By Amazon's Dick Rocket Again. 

AMAZON WROTE: Effective on or around September 18, Amazon is terminating your Amazon Associates account. Under your state’s unclaimed property laws, we are required to report and turn over to your state of residence the funds in your account as we had no record of contact with you within a period of time as prescribed by law.

I REPLIED: Um, here I am. And there's eight bucks in that account.

AMAZON: We are required to report and turn over to your state of residence the funds in your account.

ME: But now you've had contact with me. So send me the eight bucks, dammit.

AMAZON: Our rules say we can't disburse anything under ten dollars to you.

ME: But you CAN disburse it to the state?

AMAZON: Those are the rules.

ME: If you can transfer eight bucks to the state, you can certainly transfer the Unpaid Balance to the person who actually OWNS the money.

AMAZON: Sorry. Thank you for contacting us today. Have a wonderful day.

ME: Please tell your boss, Jeff Bezos, to go f*ck himself, and the dick rocket he rode in on.

 
» On 8/01/2021 12:10:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Coyotes Redux. 

Our community's Google group is getting clogged again, with coyote sighting reports. I like to make fun of the ensuing paranoia, so when somebody asked whether coyotes had any natural predators, I posted a still image and replied: "roadrunners."


UPDATE1: Somebody suggested shooting the coyotes with paintball guns. I replied: "I think it sounds like a great idea. Coyotes don't have access to paintball guns (yet), so I'm pretty sure our team could win..."

UPDATE2: After several more complaints, I wrote: "I still like the paintball idea. Register colors to specific residents. Give out monthly prizes for the most coyotes tagged. Let's stop whining, and have some fun with this!"

UPDATE3: Somebody wrote: "Paintballs? What are you going to do when they miss the target and hit the side of your house?" I replied: "Miss? MISS?! You're implying that LW shooters could MISS?!! [...] I've investigated this sport, and it looks like the admission price is pretty reasonable. The SplatMaster Z200 is only 45 bucks. I might have to get me one o' them babies."