» On 6/01/2023 12:01:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
A Charming Little Story About Covid Snot. 

Even though I had gotten seven (7) Pfizer shots, they apparently weren't enough to protect me against the new Arcturus Subvariant, which I may or may not have smuggled in from Hungary. I didn't test positive until two days after our plane landed on May 19, but as you all know, The Plague was already percolating through my blood long before that. Anyway, most of the top five Coronavirus symptoms were bypassing me: fever, cough, headaches, nausea, diarrhea. But I did have a severe case of the Covid Snot. My airways were producing industrial-strength quantities of mucus/phlegm/slime. In fact, I was slowly being strangled by the Covid Snot. I couldn't swallow any liquids, which meant I wasn't peeing, which meant my body was slowly being forced into a systemic shutdown. So my doctor prescribed Paxlovid, the previously-"free" wonder drug. Now, the price of Paxlovid was due to shoot up to $530 on May 11 (update: not), when the Covid-19 emergency declarations expired, but our President over-bought in April, so there were a few "free" doses of Paxlovid still lying around. And I scored one of those "free" doses... but we all know those doses weren't really "free," right? Every U.S. taxpayer bought them. Which means, YOU, dear friends, just saved my life from the dreaded Covid Snot. The End.

PS: Picking up the Paxlovid felt like a scene right out of a John le Carré novel. The clerk said I had to have a discussion with her boss, and surreptitiously motioned me over to the end window. The Pharmacist, a handsome 40-ish sport with a Midlife-Crisis Beard sidled up to the window with a conspiratorial grin and whispered: "We all know what YOU'VE got, don't we?!" I had to laugh out loud. Then he showed me how to use the ten blister paks, and said, "After the first one, you're gonna feel a LOT better." Nice energy. I felt better already. Then he discussed his business for a little while: "Strange to see you. We haven't had many Paxlovid customers since the March surge." So I revealed my dirty little secret: "Just got back from Europe. Some Hungarian chick must've snuck it into my luggage." His turn to laugh. I really liked the guy.

LATER: On A Collision Course With Covid

Labels: covid