The Snoozeletter @

Best log line of the month goes to Predator (starring, among others, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura): Two governors get together and kick some alien butt.
I aced my Microsoft Office Specialist certification exam (in Word) today. On Monday, I'm scheduled to interview with a company that uses only WordPerfect. The Big Guy Upstairs must have a keen sense of irony.
Words for the day: Clerestory and Travertine. We're in the process of buying a new home, which boggles the mind on many levels... but I'm not going to get into that right now. Maybe later.

The house features a "great room." I think this is what used to be called a "living room." It's way too big for us. It is, in fact, larger than most small countries. I'm trying to get the wife to let me install a combination squash court/hockey rink and rent it out to the local high school.

The kitchen contains an island. I'm sorry, but whenever I see it, I can't help thinking of Gilligan.

Just off the den, there's a small "hobby room." If our hobbies include mountain hiking and camping, are we supposed to pitch a pup tent in the corner?

In the final analysis, the best part is the 2.5-car garage. That extra door hides a "golf cart" space. Heh. Golf cart, my a**. Wait'll our putter-crazed neighbors learn that we plan to use it for a Harley hardtail. This should be fun.

The moving finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy piety nor wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a line...

Omar Khayyám (1048-1131), before the invention of backspacing
Pontificating. Now that we have a new Pope, maybe the Church will consider modernizing its tarnished image. For example, I believe the ordination of women is an idea whose time has come. Think about it: if you were an altar boy, wouldn't you prefer being molested by a priestess, rather than a priest? This one's a no-brainer. Bring on the babes, Ratzo.
Book Fest Roundup: sales were sluggish, but we made some excellent contacts. Stay tuned for updates. The highlight of my day was a brief chat with the legendary Paul Krassner, a gracious and funny guy. Oh, and here's a photo of our guild's booth.
The First Annual Palm Springs Book Festival will be held on Saturday, April 16 in Frances Stevens Park (so far, participating authors include Paul Krassner, John Dean, Heidi Fleiss and Kitty Kelly). Our local writers guild is planning to staff a booth, so Anikó and I will be on hand for signing books and/or public readings!
When the Pope's death was followed swiftly by the passing of Monaco's Prince Rainier, this old story came to mind:

Two babies are born to different mothers in one hospital at the same time. They're placed in adjoining cribs, their heads turn, and their eyes briefly meet.

Then they're taken away, and their paths don't cross again - until...

Many decades later, the two are back in the same hospital, in one room, obviously on their deathbeds. Again, their heads turn and their eyes meet.

One pipes up: "So, what'd ya think?"
I'll bet Pope John Paul (next pontiff: George Ringo?) is peeking back through those Pearly Gates with a look of envy, especially after getting whopped upside the head by the Vatican's—not Maxwell's—silver hammer:

Hunter S Thompson's final wish will be granted when his ashes are blasted from a giant cannon in August. The gun-loving writer will go out with a bang from a cannon mounted inside a 16-metre-high (53ft) sculpture of his trademark "gonzo" fist...

Hm. Too bad the Caddy Coffin idea has already been done.
Poultry Maven Frank Perdue Dies. Known to millions as the tough man who made a tender chicken, he left an indelible mark on our hearts, minds and barbecue grills.
Kiss and Tell (Bryan Ferry, on Bête Noire or remix CD):

ten cents a dance
it's the only price to pay
why give 'em more
when it's only love for sale?
adam and eve
it's the oldest game in town
just a one way street
to a faded magazine

kiss and tell
money talks - it never lies
kiss and tell
give and take - eye for an eye

fever - the heat of the night
dreamer - stealer of sighs

one public face
in a private limousine
flash photograph
it's the only light you see
no secret life
there's no secret you can steal
your lips are moving
but I will never know
what they mean

kiss and tell
money talks - and love... it burns
kiss and tell
give and take - we live and learn
kiss and tell
we never lie
eye for an eye
blood on a nail
kiss me again