The Snoozeletter @

No jury duty for moi. 

Last-minute reprieve from jury duty! Maybe this letter had something to do with it:

December 1, 2017

Superior Court in Maricopa County
175 W. Madison St.
Phoenix, AZ 85003

RE: Disqualification of Alan C. Baird, Juror ID _________

Dear Sirs/Madams:

I am requesting a permanent disqualification from jury duty. Since my reasons do not fit into the excuses outlined under the law, I will present them here:

1) PREJUDICE: Several years ago, I saw a home robbery in progress, alerted the police and testified as a witness... but the case was dismissed on a technicality. I also sued a telephone company in small claims court for changing my number without notice... but that case was also dismissed on a technicality. Result: I will never vote for any Defendant, civil or criminal, because I now believe they are all guilty as f*cking sin.

2) PREJUDICE, PART DEUX: I have worked for several law firms, so I know their methods intimately. I automatically assume all lawyers are backstabbers, liars and cheats. And slimeballs. Especially slimeballs.

3) SLEEP: I work on the graveyard shift and my normal sleep time is 7am to 3pm. My body takes several weeks to adjust to a new sleeping schedule, so I will be semi-conscious during normal jury hours. If I am deprived of sleep for very long, I start hallucinating. And if I fall asleep in the jury box... well, the snoring and drooling will not be very pretty.

4) FINANCIAL HARDSHIP: My employer pays for only two days of jury duty. After that, I won't be able to buy food. I will starve. And I hate it when that happens.

     I certify that, to the best of my knowledge and belief, the statements provided herein are true and correct.

Alan C. Baird


ALSO: One final note on jury duty.
Was your writers' conference like this? 

"An accountant by day, novelist by night, Miss Burrows (Bette Davis) has grown tired of rejection notices from publishers. Her latest submission is about an author who shoots an editor after his book is rejected. When Miss Burrows' novel is ridiculed publicly by a famous editor for being unbelievable, Miss Burrows buys a gun to prove him wrong."

With Malice Toward One - broadcast on CBS-TV, March 10, 1957.
1.2 billion Facebook profile photos in one massive image. 

Facebook lets you know about Russian propaganda. 

As mentioned before, here's the page where you can check to see if you were taken in by the Russian propaganda:
Open at last page in LibreOffice Writer. 

Pro Tip - open at last page in LibreOffice Writer:

In an open LibreOffice Writer document, click Tools, Options, LibreOffice, User Data, [type] First/last name/initials, [check] Use data for document properties, OK.

Then click File, Properties, General, [check] Apply user data, OK.

Then click File, Close, Save.

The next time you open your document, you'll be able to continue from exactly where you left off!
Open at last page in Adobe Acrobat Reader. 

Pro Tip - open at last page in Adobe Acrobat Reader:

Click Edit, Preferences, Documents, and check the box "Restore last view settings when reopening documents." Click OK, at the bottom.

The next time you open your PDF, you'll be able to continue reading from exactly where you left off!