» On 9/01/2025 12:05:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Myasthenia Eyes. 

(to the tune of Bette Davis Eyes [vid below] - w/apologies to Kim Carnes)

Her hair is greasy gold
Her lips, a snarled surprise
Her hands are always cold
She's got Myasthenia eyes
She'll turn her gaze upon you
And she'll see you as twice
She's pure as Jersey snow
She got Myasthenia eyes
And she'll squeeze you, she'll appease you
All the better just to freeze you
She's atrocious and she knows just what it
Takes for diagnosis
She got a neuro doc's weary sighs, she's got Myasthenia eyes
She stumbled to your home
'Coz of her droopy lids
She hogged the La-Z-Boy
She got Myasthenia eyes
She slurred her pickup patter
Nudged you like you were lice
Until her snores began
She got Myasthenia eyes
She exposed you, when she froze you
Exacerbated the crumbs she throws you
She's ferocious and she knows just what it
Takes to spark prognosis
All the boys think she's so fly, she's got Myasthenia eyes


Myasthenia Gravis Playlist:
Double Vision by Foreigner
Crosseyed And Painless by Talking Heads
(Hang Down Your Head) Tom Dooley by The Kingston Trio
Hold Your Head Up by Uriah Heep
Walk Like A Man by Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons

Labels: me, mg

 
» On 9/01/2025 12:01:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Invisible Incurable Disease. 

Myasthenia Gravis (MG) is a rare autoimmune neuromuscular disorder that causes weakness in the voluntary muscles, often impacting those I rely on for everyday activities, like breathing, blinking, swallowing, and moving my arms and legs. In MG, antibodies mistakenly attack the receptors on muscles, preventing essential signals from reaching them and causing significant fatigue and muscle weakness. MG is an incurable illness that limits physical strength in unpredictable ways, but many symptoms are not always visible.

Perhaps the most destructive thing we can ever be told when battling a chronic illness are these simple words; "we have medicine for this and most people lead a nearly normal life, don't worry!"

They are words a patient never forgets, forever etched deeply into the subconscious grooves of their mind and heart, words that will negatively shape their newly forming identities, relationships and so much more.

You see, there is a natural instinct as a human being to protect and insulate against brokenness, to fashion a safety net, spun against our own fragility, ensuring our protection from the rejection and slander of others. There is a deeply penetrating need to hide away our flaws from those around us.

Just as this instinct thrives in our daily subconscious in all other matters, it reaches new heights for those with chronic illness.

During the formative first few months that our identities as patients are being shaped, the reverberating echo from doctors that we can, and indeed should, be able to achieve normalcy as prescribed by those who are not impacted by illness and when we cannot, there is an innate sense of shame.
--from fb.com/share/p/1GJ1b8q9R4

The neurologist treating my MG has prescribed medicines that have horrible side effects, like unpredictable explosive diarrhea. But I was already wearing Depends for urinary tract issues after a botched prostate operation, so now the diapers do double duty, covering all bases. Lucky me. 😉
#acbmg on facebook

Labels: mg

 
» On 8/16/2025 06:33:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Tap Anywhere© To Silence Alarm? 

When your phone alarm goes off, do you struggle to find the button that stops it? Tap Anywhere© is a feature that could be incorporated on any platform - iOS, Android or other - to make it easy for groggy users to silence their alarms. It allows you to turn off an alarm by simply tapping any part of the phone's touchscreen.

Advantages:
Convenience - easy to silence or snooze an alarm, especially when half-asleep.
Accessibility - helpful for users with visual impairments who may find it difficult to locate small buttons on a screen.

UPDATED THREADS: Apple (nuked: "not constructive") ~ Android (nuked: "irrelevant") ~ FB (shake to silence) ~ IG ~ LI
©2025 Alan C. Baird

Labels: ta

 
» On 8/01/2025 12:05:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Famous People With Myasthenia Gravis. Plus Anecdotes. 

[I was diagnosed with MG in June.] According to Wikipedia, Aristotle Onassis (billionaire who married Jacqueline Kennedy in 1968) died in 1975 at age 69 of respiratory failure, a complication of the myasthenia gravis from which he had suffered the last years of his life. MG affected his ability to keep his eyelids open. [classic Onassis anecdote] [Rembrandt]

Other famous people with MG include Sir Laurence Olivier (film actor, 22 May 1907 – 11 July 1989; Age 82), Suzanne Rogers (tv actress, b. 9 July 1943; Age 82), and Monica Seles (tennis great, b. 2 December 1973; Age 51).

Also, the character of Sleepy (from "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs") was reportedly inspired by a friend of Walt Disney who had MG, exhibiting the well-known symptom of drooping eyelids.

The following interchanges are from a book called Disorder in the Court and were actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters...
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

Labels: mg

 
» On 7/01/2025 12:01:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Mestinon® - is the treatment worse than the disease? 

I've been suffering from double vision, droopy eyelids, and slurred speech since the fall of 2022.
And I've had other autoimmune issues since the spring of 2006.
So I've had 19 years of various tests: MRI, MRA, CT, blood, urine, EEG, EKG, X-rays, cerebral angiogram (roto-rooter, up through my crotch).
And I've seen many different kinds of practitioners - allopath, osteopath, homeopath, acupuncturist, hypnotherapist - who have all been unable to track down my ailment.
But early in June, I found a neurologist who correctly diagnosed myasthenia gravis.
It's a chronic autoimmune disease, incurable but not too serious, in my case.
So now we're searching for the best way to manage it.
First up is pyridostigmine bromide, the generic version of Mestinon® ("M®").
But 3-hydroxy-1-methylpyridinium bromide dimethylcarbamate (M®) has been implicated as a causal factor in Gulf War syndrome.
In military settings, M® is used as a pretreatment for exposure to nerve gas.
Possible side effects of M® include: nausea, frequent urination, diarrhea, vomiting, abdominal pain, cramps, muscle twitching, and erectile dysfunction.
And my wife is preparing herself to deal with a possible myasthenic crisis and/or a cholinergic crisis.

But... when I began taking M® last week, MY DOUBLE VISION STARTED TO CLEAR UP, for the first time in 2½ years! The eyelids stopped drooping, and my peripheral vision and balance started coming back.
M® is NOT a cure. It's a test, and a band-aid. I'll know more when I see the neurologist again, in a couple of weeks.

Labels: mg

 
» On 6/15/2025 05:30:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Please, No Photographs. 

[This is the last of five essays (https://snzltr.blogspot.com/search/label/zoe) intended as a sort of love letter to Francis Ford Coppola's Zoetrope.com Virtual Studio, which is closing tonight, after a glorious 25-year run. Thanks, Francis - you improved a whole lotta lives!]

In 2006, someone on the Zoetrope boards posted the link to a Variety article, announcing a new TV pilot by Kevin Williamson (Dawson's Creek, Scream 1-4, The Vampire Diaries). Shooting was set to take place in the city where I was working as the Online Editor for Palm Springs Life magazine. After doing some digging, I realized I could audition for an under-three-line acting gig. The experience would be good fodder for PSL's online magazine "The Life," so I went for it.

Gail O'Grady (NYPD Blue's Donna Abandando) was one of the stars of Hidden Palms, and she had an ice-tea-sipping interlude with two other women on a country-club patio. Look for me and my blue polo shirt - it plays a crucial backup rôle in that scene.

Side note: The director moved me around many times, probably looking for the precisely-right combination of Gail's lovely blonde hair and the blue of my shirt: "Hey, you in the blue polo, move right a bit." After a couple of orders like that, the AD came over and asked for my name. For the rest of the scene (45 minutes of on-and-off filming), it was: "Hey Alan, move right a bit." By the end of the scene, you'll notice that I was on the other side of Gail's head. The director treated me well, for a lowly day player. I was the envy of all the other extras. 😉

Video: http://9TimeZones.com/cz.htm


Celebrating A Volcanic Eruption Of Creativity

Labels: zoe

 
» On 6/14/2025 06:30:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
The Inside Pitch. 

In the summer of 2005, a program description appeared on the Zoetrope.com boards. It was billed as a TV taping of two ICM execs, listening to screenwriter pitches and giving them feedback. I really suck at pitching, but I thought maybe I could learn something, so Anikó and I went to the event, down in Culver City. The execs were very entertaining, and everybody was having lots of fun, so after watching several other writers stumble through their pitches, I worked up the courage to give it a shot. My presentation was as crappy as I expected, but they were nice enough to include a short clip of my stumbling in the DVD credits.

Here's the DVD description: "This Emmy nominated, award winning program is a fast paced, engaging way to learn the art and business of selling a script in Hollywood. An American Idol for screenwriters, this program appeals to anyone interested in the behind the scenes workings of the movie business. The program features ICM executives, Christopher Lockhart and Jack d’Annibale fielding aspiring screenwriter's pitches and giving their honest, sometimes harsh, but often hilarious critiques."

Labels: zoe