» On 10/01/2025 12:01:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
The 119.53-Second Pour. 

During my first visit to a Dublin pub, I couldn't understand why the bartender poured only a partial pint of draft Guinness and didn't hand it over to me right away. 😉 This scene from House Of Guinness ep3 (@46:00) provides an explanation:

EDWARD GUINNESS (played by Louis Partridge, indicating two bottles of Guinness): I'll pour.
ELLEN COCHRANE (Fenian activist, played by Niamh McCormack): I don't drink in the daytime.
EDWARD: These are not for drinking. They are purely for the purpose of illustration.
ELLEN: What illustration?
EDWARD: You see, there is a particular technique when it comes to pouring Guinness. When you start to pour, the beer, quite rightly, is very excited to be free. And it fizzes in the glass. So while the first glass settles and gets used to the situation, you start to pour the next. And then you wait for the Porter to calm down. I call it the Guinness minute.
ELLEN: I was told that you wanted to meet me. Can you get to the point?
EDWARD: This is my point. These two half-poured glasses of Guinness represent the state of Ireland. At this moment, excited by your dream of independence, but in need of a little time... to reflect.
ELLEN: And you reduce our struggles to beer?
EDWARD: It's what I know, Miss Cochrane. I also know... that when you complete the pour, to fill the glass, it is important that you do it slowly, carefully... Evenly. And, as with your political struggle, you will only be successful if you keep... your... head.
ELLEN: I'm still not drinking what you poured me, Mr. Guinness.
EDWARD: Miss Cochrane, what I am offering is that we go on a journey as honorable people. And we go on the journey together.
ELLEN: A long, slow stroll, arm in arm with the capitalists and the unionists? The situation is simple. (ironic) When your brother is elected, he will use all that famous Guinness power and influence to make the English parliament see the wisdom of Irish independence.
EDWARD: We can help him by showing him that the Fenians are not wild bandits. I wanted to meet you here, in a public place, to make a statement that all of Dublin society can understand. Also... my brother is getting married. And we are inviting carefully selected Dubliners who represent different parts of society.
ELLEN: I'm invited to a Guinness wedding?
EDWARD: I know you are not married, but you can bring your brother. I'm keen to meet him as well.
ELLEN: (laughs, then exhales sharply) I have certain rules which I mostly abide by. Sometimes, I break my rules. (she raises her glass and drinks)
[119.53] [music]

 
» On 9/01/2025 12:05:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
The Eyes Have It. 

Perfection. The parents want it. The teacher wants it. But the kid's a screwup. Trip to the eye doc. Read the top line. Cover your left eye. Cover your right eye. Which looks better? One or two? Here's your prescription. They're not "Four Eyes," they're glasses. You look like a Brainiac. OK, he'll try to be that, just to spite the jerks. Later, the specs are a pain in the butt. So... radial keratotomy. Scratch the eyeball at ten, two and four with a sharpened paperclip. Olden Days, before Lasik. Removed restriction from the drivers license. Perfection. Much later, cataracts. Get the "Cadillac of implants": three focal planes. Pirate patches. Arrgh. Perfection. Afterwards, seeing double. Droopy eye. Third nerve palsy? Slurring. TIAs, mini-strokes? MRI, MRA, CT, blood, urine, EEG, EKG, X-rays, cerebral angiogram (roto-rooter, up through the crotch). Allopath, osteopath, homeopath, acupuncturist, hypnotherapist, neurologist, neurosurgeon. Double vision, depth perception, peripheral vision, balance: staggering, lurching and stumbling like a drunken sailor. A friend says the "Special K" pill at a rave cleared up his double sight. Got prescription for ketamine therapy. Aimed for the K-hole. Nothing. Hands cold, always exhausted, face doesn't work. Exacerbations are terrifying. Finally, after three years, a neuro reluctantly gives the Myasthenia Gravis diagnosis. Expensive treatments. They never tell you retirement will cost this much, when the shysters are stealing from your paycheck. IRA, my foot. And Medicare ain't free, especially when you get past the "A" part of the alphabet soup. Is it worth investing even more money to keep fixing up this worn-out wreck of a body? But then "Bette Davis Eyes" pops up on the ol' YouTube, and he can't help himself... with sincere apologies to Kim Carnes [1981 video below]:

Her hair is greasy gold
Her lips, a snarled surprise
Her hands are always cold
She's got Myasthenia eyes
She'll turn her gaze upon you
And she'll see you like twice
She's pure as Jersey snow
She got Myasthenia eyes
And she'll squeeze you, she'll appease you
All the better just to freeze you
She's atrocious and she knows just what it
Takes for diagnosis
She got a neuro doc's weary sighs, she's got Myasthenia eyes
She staggered to your home
'Coz of her droopy lids
She hogged the La-Z-Boy
She got Myasthenia eyes
She slurred her pickup patter
Nudged you like you were lice
Until her snores began
She got Myasthenia eyes
She exposed you, when she froze you
Exacerbated the crumbs she throws you
She's ferocious and she knows just what it
Takes to spark prognosis
All the boys think she's so fly, she's got Myasthenia eyes

Other versions of Bette Davis Eyes:
Jackie DeShannon 1974
Gwyneth Paltrow 2000
Taylor Swift 2011
Ethel Cain 2024
JoJo Siwa 2025

Myasthenia Gravis Playlist:
Double Vision 1978 Foreigner
Crosseyed And Painless 1980 Talking Heads
Hold Your Head Up 1989 Uriah Heep
(Hang Down Your Head) Tom Dooley 1958 The Kingston Trio
Walk Like A Man 1963 Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons

Labels: me, mg

 
» On 9/01/2025 12:01:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Invisible Incurable Disease. 

Myasthenia Gravis (MG) is a rare autoimmune neuromuscular disorder that causes weakness in the voluntary muscles, often impacting those I rely on for everyday activities, like breathing, blinking, swallowing, and moving my arms and legs. In MG, antibodies mistakenly attack the receptors on muscles, preventing essential signals from reaching them and causing significant fatigue and muscle weakness. MG is an incurable illness that limits physical strength in unpredictable ways, but many symptoms are not always visible.

Perhaps the most destructive thing we can ever be told when battling a chronic illness are these simple words; "we have medicine for this and most people lead a nearly normal life, don't worry!"

They are words a patient never forgets, forever etched deeply into the subconscious grooves of their mind and heart, words that will negatively shape their newly forming identities, relationships and so much more.

You see, there is a natural instinct as a human being to protect and insulate against brokenness, to fashion a safety net, spun against our own fragility, ensuring our protection from the rejection and slander of others. There is a deeply penetrating need to hide away our flaws from those around us.

Just as this instinct thrives in our daily subconscious in all other matters, it reaches new heights for those with chronic illness.

During the formative first few months that our identities as patients are being shaped, the reverberating echo from doctors that we can, and indeed should, be able to achieve normalcy as prescribed by those who are not impacted by illness and when we cannot, there is an innate sense of shame.
--Rebekah @ facebook.com/share/p/1GJ1b8q9R4

The neurologist treating my MG has administered a Myasthenia Gravis assessment. I scored 10 on the MG-ADL, which he said was not great. He has also prescribed medicines that have horrific side effects, like unpredictable explosive diarrhea. But I was already wearing Depends for urinary tract issues after a botched prostate operation, so now the diapers do double duty, covering all bases. Lucky me. 😉
#acbmg on facebook

Labels: mg

 
» On 8/16/2025 06:33:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Tap Anywhere© To Silence Alarm? 

When your phone alarm goes off, do you struggle to find the button that stops it? Tap Anywhere© is a feature that could be incorporated on any platform - iOS, Android or other - to make it easy for groggy users to silence their alarms. It allows you to turn off an alarm by simply tapping any part of the phone's touchscreen.

Advantages:
Convenience - easy to silence or snooze an alarm, especially when half-asleep.
Accessibility - helpful for users with visual impairments who may find it difficult to locate small buttons on a screen.

UPDATED THREADS: Apple (nuked: "not constructive") ~ Android (nuked: "irrelevant") ~ FB (shake to silence) ~ IG ~ LI
©2025 Alan C. Baird

Labels: ta

 
» On 8/01/2025 12:05:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Famous People With Myasthenia Gravis. Plus Anecdotes. 

[I was diagnosed with MG in June.] According to Wikipedia, Aristotle Onassis (billionaire who married Jacqueline Kennedy in 1968) died in 1975 at age 69 of respiratory failure, a complication of the myasthenia gravis from which he had suffered the last years of his life. MG affected his ability to keep his eyelids open. [classic Onassis anecdote] [Rembrandt]

Other famous people with MG include Sir Laurence Olivier (film actor, 22 May 1907 – 11 July 1989; Age 82), Suzanne Rogers (tv actress, b. 09 July 1943; Age 82), David Niven (film actor, 01 March 1910 – 29 July 1983; Age 73), Phil Silvers (tv actor, 11 May 1911 – 01 Nov 1985; Age 74), and Monica Seles (tennis great, b. 02 December 1973; Age 51).

Also, the character of Sleepy (from "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs") was reportedly inspired by a friend of Walt Disney who had MG, exhibiting the well-known symptom of drooping eyelids.

The following interchanges are from a book called Disorder in the Court and were actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters...
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

Labels: mg

 
» On 7/01/2025 12:01:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Mestinon® - is the treatment worse than the disease? 

I've been suffering from double vision, droopy eyelids, and slurred speech since the fall of 2022.
And I've had other autoimmune issues since the spring of 2006.
So I've had 19 years of various tests: MRI, MRA, CT, blood, urine, EEG, EKG, X-rays, cerebral angiogram (roto-rooter, up through my crotch).
And I've seen many different kinds of practitioners - allopath, osteopath, homeopath, acupuncturist, hypnotherapist - who have all been unable to track down my ailment.
But early in June, I found a neurologist who correctly diagnosed myasthenia gravis.
It's a chronic autoimmune disease, incurable but not too serious, in my case.
So now we're searching for the best way to manage it.
First up is pyridostigmine bromide, the generic version of Mestinon® ("M®").
But 3-hydroxy-1-methylpyridinium bromide dimethylcarbamate (M®) has been implicated as a causal factor in Gulf War syndrome.
In military settings, M® is used as a pretreatment for exposure to nerve gas.
Possible side effects of M® include: nausea, frequent urination, diarrhea, vomiting, abdominal pain, cramps, muscle twitching, and erectile dysfunction.
And my wife is preparing herself to deal with a possible myasthenic crisis and/or a cholinergic crisis.

But... when I began taking M® last week, MY DOUBLE VISION STARTED TO CLEAR UP, for the first time in 2½ years! The eyelids stopped drooping, and my peripheral vision and balance started coming back.
M® is NOT a cure. It's a test, and a band-aid. I'll know more when I see the neurologist again, in a couple of weeks.

Labels: mg

 
» On 6/15/2025 05:30:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Please, No Photographs. 

[This is the last of five essays (https://snzltr.blogspot.com/search/label/zoe) intended as a sort of love letter to Francis Ford Coppola's Zoetrope.com Virtual Studio, which is closing tonight, after a glorious 25-year run. Thanks, Francis - you improved a whole lotta lives!]

In 2006, someone on the Zoetrope boards posted the link to a Variety article, announcing a new TV pilot by Kevin Williamson (Dawson's Creek, Scream 1-4, The Vampire Diaries). Shooting was set to take place in the city where I was working as the Online Editor for Palm Springs Life magazine. After doing some digging, I realized I could audition for an under-three-line acting gig. The experience would be good fodder for PSL's online magazine "The Life," so I went for it.

Gail O'Grady (NYPD Blue's Donna Abandando) was one of the stars of Hidden Palms, and she had an ice-tea-sipping interlude with two other women on a country-club patio. Look for me and my blue polo shirt - it plays a crucial backup rôle in that scene.

Side note: The director moved me around many times, probably looking for the precisely-right combination of Gail's lovely blonde hair and the blue of my shirt: "Hey, you in the blue polo, move right a bit." After a couple of orders like that, the AD came over and asked for my name. For the rest of the scene (45 minutes of on-and-off filming), it was: "Hey Alan, move right a bit." By the end of the scene, you'll notice that I was on the other side of Gail's head. The director treated me well, for a lowly day player. I was the envy of all the other extras. 😉

Video: http://9TimeZones.com/cz.htm


Celebrating A Volcanic Eruption Of Creativity

Labels: zoe