» On 1/05/2026 12:01:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Mayo Clinic. 

I should not be permitted to use ChatGPT. 😉

When Sally Met Hellmann's (:30 vid)
Mayo, may-ay-ay-o / Daylight come and me wan' go home...
[The Myasthenic's birthday collab w/A.I.]

Labels: mg

 
» On 1/03/2026 07:00:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
MG Memes. 

I recently found many Myasthenia Gravis support groups on Facebook and Reddit, with thousands of members. A few of them allow memes featuring the issues commonly experienced in our myasthenic subculture. Here are a few samples. (I believe the most reliable way to get to know a group of people is by trying to understand what tickles their funny bones - tap images to enlarge.)

Labels: mg

 
» On 1/01/2026 12:01:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
MG Iconography/Mythology: Snowflake, Sloth, Spoons... 

Myasthenia Gravis is often called the Snowflake Disease because, like snowflakes, no two cases are precisely alike, with symptoms varying widely in type, severity, and timing for each individual. This nickname reflects the condition's unpredictable nature, when symptoms like drooping eyelids, double vision, or muscle weakness can appear and disappear, worsen with exertion, and improve with rest, making each patient's journey unique and requiring customized treatment. Also, an abstract teal snowflake is the symbol and brand of MGFA, the Myasthenia Gravis Foundation of America.

The sloth is the unofficial mascot for Myasthenia Gravis because MG patients like to use the animal as a representation of the way they manage their energy, adopting "Sloth Mode" to conserve strength by prioritizing rest and pacing activities, mirroring the sloth's naturally slow movements to cope with profound muscle weakness from this autoimmune condition. While sloths are naturally slow due to low metabolism, MG patients embrace slow living to avoid fatigue, turning the animal's trait into a positive, adaptive strategy for daily life.

The Spoon Theory is a concept used by MG patients to signify how they manage finite reserves of energy. Spoons are metaphors describing the amount of physical or mental energy that a person has available for daily activities and tasks, and how it can become limited. The idea was expressed in a 2003 essay by American writer Christine Miserandino. She describes her experience with chronic illness, using a handful of spoons to represent the units of energy available to perform everyday actions. The Spoon Theory has since been used to describe a wide range of disabilities and mental health issues.


And June is MG Awareness Month. (Ribbon 🎗️ color is teal.)

Labels: mg

 
» On 12/31/2025 08:05:00 PM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Myasthenia Gravis Swag. 

Full Disclosure: I have no financial connection to any of the links below, and earn no money from them. I just have a large t-shirt connection, and some of the following items caught my eye. When one of my friends (a self-proclaimed "goddess"😉) saw these products, she wrote: Only Etsy would have a category entitled "Funny Thymus T‑Shirt & Thymectomy Gifts." Right next to its "Hilarious Terminal Diagnosis Tchotchkes" section. BTW, there are no good thymus jokes or puns on the internet. WAY easier to find rhymes for spleen. Pancreas, not so much. 😉

T-shirts:
My Favourite Childhood Memory Is Not Having A Thymus That Is Trying To Kill Me!
Hostile Thymus ⭐ Terrible, Would Not Recommend It!
#LMTO Laughing My Thymus Off
Thymectomy Done! Now Where's The Beer?
I've Got 99 Problems And A Thymus Ain't One!
I Don't Look Sick? You Don't Look Stupid! Looks Can Be Deceiving. MG Awareness
100% Neuromuscular Chaos MG
flare day in progress
personally victimized by my immune system
this body came with a lot of terms and conditions I did not agree to
Autoimmune - Because the only thing tough enough to kick my ass is me. Myasthenia Gravis Awareness
Snowflake Stong MG Warrior (NOT Strong - this hilarious tyop won't last long)

Other MG items on Etsy for The Myasthenic

Rare Patient Voice [[[Monetize Your Illness! There's gold in them thar ills...]]]

Neuroscience Institute t-shirt

Labels: mg

 
» On 12/26/2025 05:30:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
WTF Is A ClinCard?! 

A ClinCard or ScoutPass is a reloadable prepaid debit card used by research institutions to pay human subjects (study participants) in clinical trials. I just received fifty smackeroos, for my first per diem stipend. If things go well during the next two and a half years, I'll also receive meal-allowance compensation for myself and the caregiver (translation: wife) who accompanies me to test appointments, reimbursement for gasoline mileage expenses, and payment for taxi/uber costs (if necessary). It turns out that research subjects are treated pretty well. We represent a significant investment for the pharmaceutical companies (a/k/a "Swiss Overlords" 😉), and they want to make sure we're happy, so we'll keep coming back for our monthly appointments. But hopefully, the efficacy of the medication we're testing will provide the main part of our motivation.

PS: Is it just me, or does ClinCard sound vaguely pornographic? "Hey bay-bee, I'm a-gonna lick your ClinCard 'til you hollah wit' deee-lite!"

Labels: mg

 
» On 12/22/2025 05:20:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Christmas Split Flashback. 

First, Jean-Claude Van Damme did a split between trucks (2013):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7FIvfx5J10
Then, Channing Tatum did a split between craft service carts:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Vj0ugEI0dg
Finally, Chuck Norris did a split between airplanes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-D1KVIuvjA

UPDATE - Ballerina Stunt:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGHVE-ikQwM
UPDATE2 - But the one that really cracked me up was the Hamster Stunt:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7N87uxyDQT0

 
» On 12/20/2025 02:13:00 PM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Confirmation Bias? 

It's been 72 hours since I started taking the Myasthenia Gravis research pills, but I still haven't figured out whether they're real medicine (iptacopan) or placebos. The research supervisor told me to wait patiently for a month. My body seems to be reacting in unusual ways, but who knows? It might be the dreaded placebo effect. 😉

Labels: mg

 
» On 12/20/2025 05:30:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
De Quervain's Tenosynovitis. 

Here we go again... about a year ago, my wife had surgery for a trigger finger (stenosing tenosynovitis) on her left hand.

This time, she has a similar inflammation of the tendon sheath on the thumb side of her right wrist. The ailment is named after Fritz de Quervain (1868-1940), a surgeon from Sion Switzerland who documented the condition in 1895. Caused by repetitive strain (like carpal tunnel), it's also called "Texting Thumb," "Washerwoman's Sprain," or "Mother's Wrist."

When Anikó told her new doc (who is a handsome devil, I must say) about the mundane incident that precipitated this latest medical appointment, he translated her actions into "aggressively mashing potatoes" and promptly prescribed a cortisone injection. She liked that--and him--better than last year's surgical treatment. 😉

UPDATE: I really like this guy. He said he's been offering the same advice for 20 years, but he just recently figured out that patients "remember" a lot more info, if he gives them two business cards, printed front and back. Why don't ALL doctors do this?

 
» On 12/19/2025 06:10:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Confessions Of A Psychonaut. 

In 1938, Albert Hofmann (1906–2008) synthesized lysergic acid diethylamide, better known as LSD, while working as a chemist at Sandoz Labs in Basel, Switzerland. On April 19, 1943, Hofmann self-administered the first human test of LSD and when things inevitably got weird, he asked his laboratory assistant to escort him home. Due to wartime restrictions on automobile use, they made the journey by bicycle. Since then, Bicycle Day has become an unofficial celebration of the psychedelic revolution. In 1996, Sandoz merged with another Swiss pharmaceutical firm to form a third entity, which I fondly call the "Swiss Overlords." (And there it is: the Myasthenia Gravis connection.) 😉

Little-Known Factoid: My first acid trip took place around the same time that Alan's Psychedelic Breakfast was released by Pink Floyd, on their 1970 album "Atom Heart Mother." Factoid 2: After meeting me in the late 1970s, while I was working at Saturday Night Live as an NBC Page, Paul Simon was inspired to write this 1983 song as a heartfelt tribute: You Can Call Me Al. Just kidding. 😉

In 1976, the U.S. government offered me $725 to be a research subject and participate in an experimental protocol entitled "Clinical Studies of Tolerance to Marijuana." No joke. I was proud and honored to serve my country. 😉

Labels: mg

 
» On 12/18/2025 09:00:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
The Blind Leading The Double-Blind.  

Yesterday, I received my first batch of pills in the Myasthenia Gravis research study. Since this is a double-blind clinical trial, nobody (except the pharmaceutical company sponsors in Switzerland, the "Swiss Overlords" 😉) will know whether these gelatin capsules are real medicine, or just placebo pills. So this "Guinea Pig" asks:

(1) Is it live, or is it Memorex?
(2) Red pill or blue pill?
(3) Stefani Germanotta or Lady Gaga? 😉

A placebo group is a control group in a clinical trial that receives an inactive substance or "sham" treatment that mimics the real treatment being tested. This group is used as a benchmark to measure the true effectiveness of the active treatment by accounting for non-specific effects, such as the placebo effect (when a person's belief in a treatment causes a positive change). By comparing the results of the group that received the active treatment to the results of the placebo group, researchers can determine if the active treatment has a genuine effect beyond the power of suggestion.

Blinding: In a clinical trial, participants are often unaware of whether they are in the placebo group or the experimental group (which receives the real treatment). This is called a blinded trial. When neither the participants nor the researchers know which group is which, it is called a double-blind trial, which further reduces bias.

Controls for bias: The placebo group helps researchers account for other factors that could influence the results, such as a desire to please the research supervisor, the expectation of getting better, attention from healthcare professionals, and the natural course of the illness.

Types of placebos: Might be a sugar pill, a saline injection, or even a procedure like a fake surgery, as long as it is indistinguishable from the active treatment.

Measuring efficacy: If the experimental group shows significantly better results than the placebo group, it indicates that the active treatment is effective.

Bonus chuckle - Paul Noth's "placebo" cartoon, referencing Henri Matisse's "La Danse" (1910):

Labels: mg

 
» On 12/17/2025 08:48:00 PM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Calendar Boy. 

When I left the neuroscience institute this afternoon, I received several lovely parting gifts:

1) A log book to record each pill I take. "Morning Dose" and "Evening Dose." "Date" and "Time." Down to the minute...

...but luckily, they don't require me to write in the seconds. 😉

2) A personalized calendar with 25 rows of dates, plus three columns: "Early date," "Ideal date," and "Latest date." Since I receive only 70 pills at a time (35 days' worth of twice-daily doses), I have to return to the research site every month for the first six months. After the double-blind portion of the Myasthenia Gravis research ends, they will trust me with a three-month supply, then six months. Finally, there are Safety Follow-Ups, which extend through Tuesday, June 24, 2031!! When I was discharged from the Air Force, 50 years ago, I was certain that type of regimented schedule was in my rear-view mirror. But when you think about it, this calendar is a very considerate item. It allows us to plan out our life to coordinate with the demands of the clinical study...

...for the next FIVE YEARS. 😉

3) A little white bottle of 70 pills, and a 15"x11"x11" insulated case (with THREE massively heavy ice packs) in which to carry them. It felt like we were transporting human organs for transplantation. 😉

The pills require cold temperatures, and they need to live in a refrigerator. So any time I want to be outside the house for one of my doses, the pill bottle must travel with me, in this insulated case. Which means we have to take the insulated case whenever we go on vacation, or even overnight trips. 😉

Labels: mg

 
» On 12/17/2025 02:13:00 PM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Entry-Level Guinea Pig Position With Swiss Overlords In MG Clinical Research Study. 

The Hot Poop: recently, I've been applying for Myasthenia Gravis clinical trials and research studies. I naturally want to get involved with the development of new treatments for my MG, but I'm also not averse to earning a few extra bucks on the side. MG is a chronic neuromuscular autoimmune disease that's rare enough (0.003%) to attract the attention of major-league researchers and pharmaceutical companies (note tennis great Monica Seles' recent MG endorsement deal with a well-known Dutch immunology firm), and some of them are even willing to pay peons like me. At one point, I was in the middle of a half-hour screening call with a big-time research group when my medication began to demand some *immediate* attention. You see, my neurologist has written a prescription for Pyridostigmine, which features a nasty little side effect: uncontrollable explosive diarrhea. So in mid-conversation, I tiptoed gingerly into the toilet, dropped trou, and plunked my bare butt onto the crapper. Luckily, nothing happened immediately, so I wasn't forced into the awkward position of explaining any strange noises to the nice lady on the other end of the phone line.

A few weeks later, I drove 23 miles to a world-famous neuroscience institute, for the heavy-duty screening process in one of their MG clinical trials. I had already completed the blizzard of release forms via email and talked on the phone with their research supervisor. So far, so good. But the screening appointment was a several-hour interview marathon, with blood and urine samples, an EKG, and several strength and breathing tests. Plus time-consuming quizzes on their iPad and two painful shots for exotic types of invasive meningococcal disease. The experimental medicine would apparently leave me open to several nasty bugs, so they wanted to protect me with vaccines. It was exhausting. My MG was not accustomed to so much stress and exertion, and I could feel the life draining out of my body. But I was also very much aware that she was evaluating me at every step, looking for any excuse to exclude me, which would save them some time and effort. So I tried to keep up the energy in the room with nervous jokes and chatter. She slotted me in MGFA Class IIa, but after I scored a 10 on the MG-ADL Scale, she said one less point would have disqualified me. So I was elated when she finally announced, at about the 150-minute mark, "OK, you're on the list - you're Patient Number 6!" I still needed approval from the drug company sponsor in Switzerland, but I had survived the worst of the screening. That's when I wisecracked, "I am not a number, I am a free man!" It's a line from The Prisoner, a cult British TV series broadcast in the 1960s. But she is in her mid-40s, so she's not old enough to understand the reference, and I had to explain it. However, if the Swiss Overlords accept me into their study, you know that I will be using that line as a callback joke. EVERY DARN TIME I RETURN FOR MY MONTHLY PILLS DURING THE NEXT TWO-AND-A-HALF YEARS!

* I get a sixty-dollar meal allowance, plus mileage reimbursement and $50 stipend, every time I make the 46-mile round trip. But if I'm accompanied by a caregiver, s/he gets another sixty bucks. So the research supervisor asked: "Do you have a caregiver?"
I replied, "I have a wife."
"Same diff. Bring her along."

* I haven't met Patient Numbers 1 thru 5, and probably won't. They are part of a select group of 140 people at 80 locations worldwide, so the competition to get included is fierce. One of the five travels 1,200 miles from Montana to Arizona every month. Another one is a patient of my neurologist. And my neurologist was a student of the uber-neurologist who's in charge of this clinical trial, plus several others. Small friggin' world. 😉

* This is a double-blind phase-3 clinical trial. For the first 6 months, I might be getting a placebo. But then, all of the experiment's participants get 2 years' worth of pills (dispensed monthly) that will treat the MG in our bodies.

* The medicine being tested is currently used to treat other illnesses, but the Swiss Overlords want to find out if it can also be used "off-label" to treat MG, by "acting proximally in the alternative pathway of the complement cascade." No, I don't understand that gobbledygook, either. But everybody is really excited about the possibilities, and they're spending a lot of money to hire their 140 "Guinea Pigs."

* "Off-label" use refers to a medication that has been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for a purpose or in a manner that differs from the FDA-approved labeling. It's a common and legal practice.

* According to Google, the Wholesale Acquisition Cost of this drug is around $560,000 per year, as of early 2025. Yowza. You know how your local smack dealer says, "The first one's free"? I suspect this may be a new way for the drug company to drum up repeat business: "Hook 'em for two years, and you got 'em for life." But the joke's on them. I'm pretty old, and statistically unlikely to last very long after the 24 months. 😉

* By the way, my MG is not super serious at the moment -- I'm just permanently exhausted, cross-eyed, constipated, and staggering like a drunken sailor -- but it will have a significant impact for the rest of my life. And if I'm not careful, it could kill me. Highly unlikely, but still. I have drilled my wife on what to do if I stop breathing or start convulsing, but she's not very happy about learning stuff like that. Remember, MG supposedly killed Aristotle Onassis (at the age of 69), the Greek billionaire who married Jackie Kennedy. If he had drilled her, he might be 119 by now. 😉

* UPDATE: The Swiss Overlords have just approved Patient Number 6. I've been waiting for this day since August 30, when I first applied for the clinical trial. Stand back. 😉

Labels: mg

 
» On 12/04/2025 07:00:00 PM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Change In Protocol. 

I received a Menveo booster vaccination yesterday. It's supposed to protect me from meningococcal infections. You see, I'm going to be enrolled in a Myasthenia Gravis clinical trial on December 17. And the research medicine will leave me open to several nasty bugs. So this latest injection brings the total number of shots I've had to 5 (FIVE, count 'em, FIVE). I was scheduled to enter the clinical trial on November 25, after FOUR shots, but I just found out there have been TWO deaths of research subjects who had only four shots. So the research sponsors, in their infinite wisdom, have decided to change the protocol and require five shots. In other words, I think they're trying to avoid lawsuits related to the two deaths.

BTW, I was warned about the dangers of this clinical research study, way back in September. The two deaths have given me pause, but this little guinea piggy is pigheaded enough to forge ahead, risking his big fat pork butt on the cutting edge of double-blind scientific research. 🐷🐖🐽🐗 Let's hope he doesn't end up as a sliced ham sammich. 😉

UPDATE - They said the cause of death was unrelated to the clinical trial, and they were throwing around phrases like "abundance of caution." But I could tell they were spooked. The stench of fear was overpowering. 😉

UPDATE 2 - Black Box Warning: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boxed_warning

Labels: mg

 
» On 12/01/2025 04:30:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Toxic Exposure. 

I am a member of this Veterans Affairs program: www.mvp.va.gov

And they just asked me to take a "Military Experiences and Toxic Exposures Survey."

So I did. And when I got to Q22, I remembered the "PB" medicine (Mestinon) I've been prescribed for Myasthenia Gravis. The V.A. considers it to be a Toxic Exposure, and I have to take it every d*mn day. Lucky me. 😉

"22. The next question asks about how often you were exposed to any of the following during your time in the military. Did you experience:"

Labels: mg

 
» On 11/23/2025 06:00:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Stairway To Heaven. 

During my Catholic years, I checked off the first four of these seven Sacraments: (1) Baptism, (2) Confession [Penance], (3) Communion [Eucharist], (4) Confirmation, (5) Matrimony, (6) Holy Orders, (7) Last Rites [Extreme Unction]. Which ones did you collect?

Ironically, I missed Sacrament #5 because ex-wife #2 got there first. In addition to obtaining her divorce decree from hubby #1, she insisted upon getting a religious annulment so her immortal soul wouldn't burn in the eternal flames of H*ll. Her priest required us to perform many baffling gyrations, twisting ourselves into pretzels to obtain the annulment, leaving neither one of us in the mood to solemnize our union in the Church. The certificate below explicitly itemizes three of the Sacraments I had already amassed before marrying her, but if you're the first person to explain how the fourth is included by implication, you'll win four Papist Points, redeemable at your nearest Chapel, Church, Cathedral, or Basilica. Additionally, you'll receive your choice of religious candles: Hindu, Buddhist, Jewish, Bismillah Special Edition, MagicLight Heavenly Glow Flameless LED, or The Faith Can Move Mountains Saints Collection Devotional Prayer Vigil Divine Crown Living Grace Immaculate Mercy Holy Coronation Biblical Oil Conical Votive Pillar.

Happy Sunday!

PS: When I first heard of Extreme Unction in Sunday school, I thought the teacher was saying Extra Munction. So I asked what Munction was. 😉

Led Zep song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ly6ZhQVnVow

 
» On 11/15/2025 05:50:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Did Something Go Down The Wrong Pipe? 

Has this ever happened to you? Of course it has. Occasionally, it used to happen to me, too. But now it's an all-too-regular feature of daily life. Myasthenia Gravis causes fluctuating weakness in the muscles that control swallowing, including the tongue, jaw, and muscles in the pharynx. Weakness of the tongue makes it difficult to manipulate and move food and liquid to the back of the throat for a swallow. The so-called 'experts' call this "impaired bolus management." That phrase cracks me right up - reminds me of a little kid who's showing off by trying to use words he doesn't really understand. 😉 And how about all that extra phlegm, or mucus, produced by the MG? That's why "bulbar oropharyngeal dysphagia," or difficulty swallowing, is a common MG symptom. I used to chew and drink without a care in the world. But now I need to practice mindfulness, and pay close attention to each mouthful and every sip to avoid getting Heimliched. Otherwise, if I don't stay focused, I could be rushed to the E.R. with aspiration pneumonia, an infection resulting from food or fluid reaching the lungs.

I'm such a yutz. 😉

Labels: mg

 
» On 11/12/2025 06:28:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Risky Bidniz. 

Yesterday, I got my first Bexsero booster. I'm nearly ready to be enrolled in a clinical trial (research study) testing a new treatment for Myasthenia Gravis, and the medicine will lower my defenses against meningitis. So the study organizers want to make sure I'm protected, with three different vaccines. Bexsero is one of them. I knew this study would be somewhat risky, but... 😉

UPDATE - I just researched the details: three separate shots, with two boosters, that protect against six different types of invasive meningococcal disease & sepsis-causing bacteria: Neisseria meningitidis - serogroups A, B, C, Y, W-135; and Haemophilus influenzae - type b. Woo-hoo! Ride 'em, cowboy!! 😉

UPDATE 2 - Meningitis is an infection, most commonly caused by bacteria or viruses. The experimental medicine is a complement inhibitor, which affects a part of the immune system crucial for fighting certain bacterial infections. Like meningitis. The study organizers promise that, if their medicine screws me up, they'll give me IVIg (Intravenous Immunoglobulin), an infusion of antibodies from many, many healthy, non-MG folks. A six-thousand-dollar consolation prize, for free! But this medicine is much more likely to be a successful treatment for the Myasthenia Gravis that's screwing me up in oh-so-many ways. The drug has already been through Stage 1 and Stage 2 trials, and has advanced to this Stage 3 trial, which wouldn't have happened if there were any negative outcomes. I'm pretty darn safe. But if I *DO* need the IVIg, that's a excellent deal, too. So: Win-Win! 🏆😎

Labels: mg

 
» On 11/12/2025 12:30:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Well... how did I get here? One man's path to MG. 

In 2006, I had a great job. My dream job, actually. I was the Online Editor for a fancy lifestyle magazine. The folks in the community loved that blog. I was highlighting the things that made the city special, and interviewing the local movers and shakers, along with posting sound bites and beautiful photographs. Too pretty, it turns out. My bosses had been publishing the pictures in their paper magazine, but the advertisers were starting to complain that my photos were making their glossy ads look bad. So things began going downhill. The better my job performance, the more flak I encountered. And as the workplace became more and more toxic (leading to a termination), my health took a turn for the worse, too. My body developed a painful and powerfully stubborn case of full-body urticaria, or hives. After many visits to the local ER, and taking a 250-mile road trip to see a hotshot immunology and allergy specialist, all the doctors gave up. They couldn't find a clear diagnosis, and tried to patch up my symptoms with a boatload of steroids... which blew me up like a balloon. Fat Alan. So I was forced to widen my healthcare horizons to include homeopaths, acupuncturists and hypnotherapists. The situation became so desperate, I was seriously considering witch doctors. But after all was said and done, I spent nearly two years in the dark, during My First Autoimmune Episode (upcoming children's book😉). I didn't know what was happening at the time, and I was shell-shocked, but I eventually learned to minimize the PTSD through meditation. And then the hives went away, as if by magic.

Flash forward to 2022, when an ophthalmologist implanted intraocular lenses to replace my two cloudy cataracts. Approximately one month later, I developed double vision and a droopy left eyelid, initially misdiagnosed as CN III, a third-nerve palsy. Within days, my speech became slurred. That was misdiagnosed as TIAs, or transient ischemic attacks, treated with low-dose aspirin. The neurologists told me the TIAs were early warning signs of a full-blown stroke. My eye surgeon claimed his surgeries weren't to blame, but I was later told by another doctor that some operations can unmask a "hidden" case of subclinical Myasthenia Gravis. The body's stress response to surgery can trigger an immune system reaction. In individuals predisposed to autoimmune disorders, this can lead to the production of the antibodies that cause MG. In other words, my body had launched an all-out kamikaze attack on itself.

Also, the anesthesia used in cataract surgery can reportedly kick-start subclinical MG. This is because many anesthetic agents affect the neuromuscular junction, the same area targeted by MG. During surgery, an anesthetic can cause a person with latent MG to develop severe and unexpected muscle weakness. Anesthetic drugs, particularly neuromuscular blocking agents, or NMBAs, act on the neuromuscular junction to induce muscle relaxation. So neuromuscular transmission becomes compromised.

In early 2025, I obtained a prescription for ketamine, because a friend said his double vision cleared up after he took a hit of "Special K" at a party. My experiments with ketamine were fun and informative, but I never even came close to the overwhelmingly dissociative "out-of-body" experience, or hallucinogenic "k-hole," that many people seek.

However, the pieces of this puzzle didn't really begin to fit together until mid-2025, when I was formally diagnosed with MG. The day I got the AChR blood test result, June 16, was terrifying and satisfying, in almost equal parts. Living with an incurable disease was a daunting prospect, but I was relieved the mystery was finally solved.

Acetylcholine Receptor (AChR) Binding Antibody: Positive>=0.50 nmol/L, Me=10.59
AChR Blocking Antibody: Reference Range=<15% Inhibition, Me=39%
AChR Modulating Antibody: Reference Range=<32% Inhibition, Me=98%

Labels: mg

 
» On 11/03/2025 08:30:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Queen For A Day. 

This one's a three-parter. You might not immediately see how it's related to Myasthenia Gravis, but I'll eventually get there. Trust me. 😉

1) Queen For A Day started out as a radio game show in 1945, but by the time my impressionable young eyes saw it, in the late Fifties, it was on TV. Each contestant was asked to describe the recent financial and emotional hard times she had experienced. Many of these desperate women broke down sobbing as they revealed their situations. The winner was chosen by the studio audience, using an applause meter: if a contestant told a particularly sad story, the crowd was more likely to push the meter to its highest level. The winner would be crowned and draped in a sable-trimmed red velvet robe, while her prizes were listed. Little Alan was horrified and depressed. He couldn't believe these women would compete to tell millions of American viewers how sh*tty their lives had become.

2) Okay, this second part may seem like a detour, but please bear with me. In 1989, my brother Chris took me scuba diving in the Florida Keys. After we finished a wreck dive one day, we stopped at a bar in Islamorada. From what I can recall, this snapshot's fuzzy focus was pretty well matched by the fuzziness in my brain. By the time we asked somebody to take our picture, I was feeling the effects of too much sun and too little beer. So we began making energetic progress on the beer front. As the evening progressed, we noticed other scuba divers at the tables around us. They were doing what divers do best: telling tall tales to the waitresses and hoping to get lucky. We overheard some outrageous lies, passed off as authentic dive adventures. So we began to parody their macho conversations, making up sensationalized stories of our own: "A 10-foot barracuda tried to turn my arm into a snack, but I ripped out his jaw and made it into a lamp." "That's nothing. I killed a 20-foot moray eel with my bare teeth. Chewed him up and spit him out. Tasted like chicken." "Did I ever tell you about the 30-foot great white shark that bit off my leg? I used my air hose as a tourniquet and chased the sucker. After I retrieved my leg, it was stitched back onto the stump by a Key West hooker."

Several beers later, the stories became much more interesting. Wish I could remember them.

3) Alrighty, time to tie this all together and wrap it up. When I started joining the various online support communities for Myasthenia Gravis, I read the member anecdotes eagerly. The worse the story, the better I felt about my own MG: "Hell, I'm not doing so bad. Look at this poor bastard!" I'm sure most of the reporting was true, but after getting inundated with so many Sad Sack stories, I thought the unthinkable: "What if some of these folks are exaggerating, and competing for the title of 'MG Queen For A Day'?" 😉

Labels: mg

 
» On 11/02/2025 08:30:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Lucky Man. 

Ooh, what a lucky man he was!

Yup, he was one of the fortunate sons. The Mestinon and Prednisone were doing their jobs in managing the Myasthenia Gravis.

Well, part of their jobs. The double vision kept coming back, like a bad penny. And the droopy eyes were never really gone. Plus, the slurred speech popped up, every time he tried to talk for more than a minute at a stretch.

And those horrific side effects! His digestive tract was getting destroyed by unpredictable explosive diarrhea.

But ooh, what a lucky man he was: he was already wearing Depends for urinary tract issues after a recent botched prostate operation. So now the diapers did double duty, covering all the bases.

He still liked to bitch about the years of misdiagnoses by allopaths, osteopaths, homeopaths, ophthalmologists, neurologists, neurosurgeons, acupuncturists, and hypnotherapists. Along with the utter futility of a mountain of pricey tests: MRI, MRA, CT, blood, urine, EEG, EKG, X-rays, and cerebral angiogram (roto-rooter, up through the crotch).

But ooh, what a lucky man he was: the stumbling, staggering, swerving, wobbling, weaving, and lurching got him a disability parking placard... which would hopefully protect him from that violent Instacart driver.

He eventually discovered that Mestinon was implicated as a causal factor in Gulf War syndrome.

And in military settings, Mestinon was used as a pretreatment for exposure to nerve gas.

Were the docs feeding him poison?

Ooh, what a lucky man he was!

Labels: mg

 
» On 11/01/2025 12:05:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
The Sickie Subculture. 

A few months ago, I was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis, a relatively-rare autoimmune disorder. Since then, I have joined a few support websites:

1) MGteam.com is the 6,589-member "social network for those living with Myasthenia Gravis." The network recently posted a "Casting Call," searching for members to share their personal MG stories and to be featured in a one-hour, Zoom-recorded video documentary. Chosen candidates would be compensated $500 for their time. I was very excited by the cash offer, so I filled out their casting form and submitted six (!!) headshots. Probably too much, but that's what I'm famous for. 😊

2) SocialHealthNetwork.com (SHN) lists compensated social media opportunities ($650 - $1,500) for patient influencers who have public Instagram and Facebook pages and are "willing to co-create social campaigns to amplify a healthcare company's resources to other patients and caregivers":
Compensated Opportunity for Patients Living With Myasthenia Gravis
Compensated Opportunity for Patients Living With Parkinson's Disease
Compensated Opportunity for Patients Who Have Had the Shingles Vaccine
Compensated Opportunity for Multiple Sclerosis Patient Leaders
Compensated Opportunity for MAC Lung Disease Patient Leaders
Compensated Opportunity for MDD Patient Leaders
Compensated Opportunity for Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD) Patient Leaders
Compensated Opportunity for Atopic keratoconjunctivitis (AKC) Patient Leaders
Compensated Opportunity for Macular Telangiectasia (MacTel) Patient Leaders
Compensated Opportunity for Renal Cell Carcinoma (RCC) Patient Leaders
Compensated Opportunity for Ovarian Cancer Patient Leaders
Compensated Opportunity for Hypothyroidism Patient Leaders
Compensated Opportunity for NSCLC Patient Leaders
Compensated Opportunity for Schizophrenia Patient Leaders
Compensated Opportunity for Parents of Teens
(I think there might be some overlap in those last two groups.) 😉

3) Myasthenia-Gravis.com (46,809 members) and SHN offer a cute little badge, if you complete their Patient Leader Certification Program (PLCP). It takes an estimated 8 to 10 hours to finish the 12 lessons across 3 core learning modules, and students have 12 months to complete the course. They say the PLCP "is not an accredited program," but "was reviewed and approved by the Society for Participatory Medicine." They also have several other castes - Patient Key Opinion Leaders (KOL), Patient Influencers, and Patient Advocates - in addition to the Patient Leaders. I can't tell if this is like being the Pied Piper of Hamelin... or the First Lemming off the Fjord Cliff. 😊 Other folks have wondered if a Patient Leader is similar to Boris & Natasha's Fearless Leader (from The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show) or North Korea's Glorious Leader.

Labels: mg

 
» On 10/25/2025 10:00:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Monetize Your Illness! 

I just earned $120 cash by chatting for 10 minutes on the phone, signing two documents on DocuSign.com, and hosting a short visit by a phlebotomist for a minor blood draw. Score!

"There's gold in them thar ills." 😉 (Mine is Myasthenia Gravis.)

The phrase "There's gold in them thar hills" is a classic expression for potential profit, meaning a great opportunity for wealth or benefit exists in a particular location. While it became popular through Mark Twain's 1892 novel The American Claimant, its origin is linked to an 1849 speech by Georgia assayer Dr. Matthew Fleming Stephenson who allegedly used the phrase (or a similar version) to convince locals not to head to California for the gold rush. (Google)

https://RarePatientVoice.com/rp/AlanBaird
https://app.ZoomRx.com
https://CenterWatch.com
https://ResearchMatch.org
https://TrialsToday.org
https://ClinicalTrials.gov
https://ClinicalStudies.info.nih.gov
https://www.fieldwork.com/join

A well-to-do friend replied: "I’m 86 and have no illnesses. I’ll die penniless. 😉"

UPDATE: Received another $60 cash for a 30-minute Zoom call. Plus $80 in Amazon gift cards. 🍾 [payments]

Labels: mg

 
» On 10/16/2025 08:30:00 PM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
The Diplomat, season 3. 

s3e3 @14:30 The Riderless Horse by Elie Attie
https://www.netflix.com/title/81772105
KATE (Keri Russell): Can we or can we not sleep in the same bed and just keep our hands to ourselves?
HAL (Rufus Sewell): Why are you acting like I'm a sеx offender?
KATE: I'm talking about both of us, or me, or I know myself. Touching leads to more touching. And then, if this is how it starts, it can get out of control.
HAL: Are you saying you're worried you're not gonna be able to control yourself if you touch my back?
KATE: Yeah.
HAL: Then why the fսck are we splitting up?
KATE: Because you're more than a pogo stick, Hal. You are a full-time job. Two full-time jobs.
HAL: I'm gonna roll up a towel and make a line down the center.
KATE: You know what, you're being a real shit.
HAL: I am trying to make this work, Katherine. I really am. But I... I fell asleep with your left boob in my hand for the better part of ten years. Mistakes may happen.

s3e4 @40:40 Arden by Jessica Brickman
https://www.netflix.com/title/81772106
AUSTIN (David Gyasi): You were trying to leave.
KATE: No, I'm trying to get you to take your shirt off.
AUSTIN: Uh, what is this?!
KATE: I know, it's medieval.
AUSTIN: It's fucking impenetrable!
KATE: You know what? Skip it. I barely have boobs.

s3e8 @46:12 Schrodinger's Wife by Debora Cahn
https://www.netflix.com/title/81772110
HAL: Shave and a haircut...
KATE: ...two bits.
HAL: I like a gal with...
KATE: ...small tits.

 
» On 10/01/2025 12:01:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
The 119.53-Second Pour. 

During my first visit to a Dublin pub, I couldn't understand why the bartender poured only a partial pint of draft Guinness and didn't hand it over to me right away. 😉 This scene from House Of Guinness ep3 (@46:00) provides an explanation:

EDWARD GUINNESS (played by Louis Partridge, indicating two bottles of Guinness): I'll pour.
ELLEN COCHRANE (Fenian activist, played by Niamh McCormack): I don't drink in the daytime.
EDWARD: These are not for drinking. They are purely for the purpose of illustration.
ELLEN: What illustration?
EDWARD: You see, there is a particular technique when it comes to pouring Guinness. When you start to pour, the beer, quite rightly, is very excited to be free. And it fizzes in the glass. So while the first glass settles and gets used to the situation, you start to pour the next. And then you wait for the Porter to calm down. I call it the Guinness minute.
ELLEN: I was told that you wanted to meet me. Can you get to the point?
EDWARD: This is my point. These two half-poured glasses of Guinness represent the state of Ireland. At this moment, excited by your dream of independence, but in need of a little time... to reflect.
ELLEN: And you reduce our struggles to beer?
EDWARD: It's what I know, Miss Cochrane. I also know... that when you complete the pour, to fill the glass, it is important that you do it slowly, carefully... Evenly. And, as with your political struggle, you will only be successful if you keep... your... head.
ELLEN: I'm still not drinking what you poured me, Mr. Guinness.
EDWARD: Miss Cochrane, what I am offering is that we go on a journey as honorable people. And we go on the journey together.
ELLEN: A long, slow stroll, arm in arm with the capitalists and the unionists? The situation is simple. (ironic) When your brother is elected, he will use all that famous Guinness power and influence to make the English parliament see the wisdom of Irish independence.
EDWARD: We can help him by showing him that the Fenians are not wild bandits. I wanted to meet you here, in a public place, to make a statement that all of Dublin society can understand. Also... my brother is getting married. And we are inviting carefully selected Dubliners who represent different parts of society.
ELLEN: I'm invited to a Guinness wedding?
EDWARD: I know you are not married, but you can bring your brother. I'm keen to meet him as well.
ELLEN: (laughs, then exhales sharply) I have certain rules which I mostly abide by. Sometimes, I break my rules. (she raises her glass and drinks)
[119.53] [music]

 
» On 9/01/2025 12:05:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
The Eyes Have It. 

Perfection. The parents want it. The teacher wants it. But the kid's a screwup. Trip to the eye doc. Read the top line. Cover your left eye. Cover your right eye. Which looks better? One or two? Here's your prescription. They're not "Four Eyes," they're glasses. You look like a Brainiac. OK, he'll try to be that, just to spite the jerks. Later, the specs are a pain in the butt. So... radial keratotomy. Scratch the eyeball at ten, two and four with a sharpened paperclip. Olden Days, before Lasik. Removed restriction from the drivers license. Perfection. Much later, cataracts. Get the "Cadillac of implants": three focal planes. Pirate patches. Arrgh. Perfection. Afterwards, seeing double. Droopy eye. Third nerve palsy? Slurring. TIAs, mini-strokes? MRI, MRA, CT, blood, urine, EEG, EKG, X-rays, cerebral angiogram (roto-rooter, up through the crotch). Allopath, osteopath, homeopath, acupuncturist, hypnotherapist, neurologist, neurosurgeon. Double vision, depth perception, peripheral vision, balance: staggering, lurching and stumbling like a drunken sailor. A friend says the "Special K" pill at a rave cleared up his double sight. Got prescription for ketamine therapy. Aimed for the K-hole. Nothing. Hands cold, always exhausted, face doesn't work. Exacerbations are terrifying. Finally, after three years, a neuro reluctantly gives the Myasthenia Gravis diagnosis. Expensive treatments. They never tell you retirement will cost this much, when the shysters are stealing from your paycheck. IRA, my foot. And Medicare ain't free, especially when you get past the "A" part of the alphabet soup. Is it worth investing even more money to keep fixing up this worn-out wreck of a body? But then "Bette Davis Eyes" pops up on the ol' YouTube, and he can't help himself... with sincere apologies to Kim Carnes [1981 video below]:

Her hair is greasy gold
Her lips, a snarled surprise
Her hands are always cold
She's got Myasthenic eyes
She'll turn her gaze upon you
And she'll see you like twice
She's pure as Jersey snow
She got Myasthenic eyes
And she'll squeeze you, she'll appease you
All the better just to freeze you
She's atrocious and she knows just what it
Takes for diagnosis
She got a neuro doc's weary sighs, she's got Myasthenic eyes
She staggered to your home
'Coz of her droopy lids
She hogged the La-Z-Boy
She got Myasthenic eyes
She slurred her pickup patter
Nudged you like you were lice
Until her snores began
She got Myasthenic eyes
She exposed you, when she froze you
Exacerbated the crumbs she throws you
She's ferocious and she knows just what it
Takes to spark prognosis
All the boys think she's so fly, she's got Myasthenic eyes

Other versions of Bette Davis Eyes:
1974 Jackie DeShannon (1982 Grammy, 24th)
2000 Gwyneth Paltrow
2011 Taylor Swift
2022 Where The Waters Meet (Megan O'Neill & Paul Kenny)
2024 Ethel Cain
2025 JoJo Siwa

Myasthenia Gravis Playlist:
1978 Double Vision Foreigner
1980 Crosseyed And Painless Talking Heads
1989 Hold Your Head Up Uriah Heep
1958 (Hang Down Your Head) Tom Dooley The Kingston Trio
1963 Walk Like A Man Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons

2025Aug12: tennis legend Monica Seles...

2025Oct9: Oh geez, they really butchered it...

Labels: me, mg, mg20

 
» On 9/01/2025 12:01:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Invisible Incurable Disease. 

Myasthenia Gravis (MG) is a rare autoimmune neuromuscular disorder that causes weakness in the voluntary muscles, often impacting those I rely on for everyday activities, like breathing, blinking, swallowing, and moving my arms and legs. In MG, antibodies mistakenly attack the receptors on muscles, preventing essential signals from reaching them and causing significant fatigue and muscle weakness. MG is an incurable illness that limits physical strength in unpredictable ways, but many symptoms are not always visible.

Perhaps the most destructive thing we can ever be told when battling a chronic illness are these simple words; "we have medicine for this and most people lead a nearly normal life, don't worry!"

They are words a patient never forgets, forever etched deeply into the subconscious grooves of their mind and heart, words that will negatively shape their newly forming identities, relationships and so much more.

You see, there is a natural instinct as a human being to protect and insulate against brokenness, to fashion a safety net, spun against our own fragility, ensuring our protection from the rejection and slander of others. There is a deeply penetrating need to hide away our flaws from those around us.

Just as this instinct thrives in our daily subconscious in all other matters, it reaches new heights for those with chronic illness.

During the formative first few months that our identities as patients are being shaped, the reverberating echo from doctors that we can, and indeed should, be able to achieve normalcy as prescribed by those who are not impacted by illness and when we cannot, there is an innate sense of shame.
--Rebekah @ facebook.com/share/p/1GJ1b8q9R4

The neurologist treating my MG has administered a Myasthenia Gravis assessment. I scored 10 on the MG-ADL, which he said was not great. He has also prescribed medicines that have horrific side effects, like unpredictable explosive diarrhea. But I was already wearing Depends for urinary tract issues after a botched prostate operation, so now the diapers do double duty, covering all bases. Lucky me. 😉
#acbmg on facebook
invisibledisabilities.org

Labels: mg20

 
» On 8/16/2025 06:33:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Tap Anywhere© To Silence Alarm? 

When your phone alarm goes off, do you struggle to find the button that stops it? Tap Anywhere© is a feature that could be incorporated on any platform - iOS, Android or other - to make it easy for groggy users to silence their alarms. It allows you to turn off an alarm by simply tapping any part of the phone's touchscreen.

Advantages:
Convenience - easy to silence or snooze an alarm, especially when half-asleep.
Accessibility - helpful for users with visual impairments who may find it difficult to locate small buttons on a screen.

UPDATED THREADS: Apple (nuked: "not constructive") ~ Android (nuked: "irrelevant") ~ FB (shake to silence) ~ IG ~ LI
©2025 Alan C. Baird

Labels: ta

 
» On 8/10/2025 05:00:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
R.I.P. Julia Lynn [Higgins] O'Connell (16 Dec 1956 - 21 Jul 2025; Age 68). 

KITTERY [MAINE] - Julia Lynn Higgins O'Connell died July 21, 2025 in her home in Kittery, after a long battle with cancer. Julia was born in Alameda, CA to Richard (Dick) Higgins and Nancy (Flint) Higgins on December 16, 1956. The oldest of four children, she spent her childhood in California and Cape Cod. Driven, principled, and independent, Julia lived an incredible life filled with world-spanning adventures, advocacy for the environment, and the joy of art and dancing. Through her actions, she showed that life is what you make it: glass ceilings, stature, and traditional expectations need not get in the way of doing what is right or wonderful. Julia's life was filled with incredible experiences driven by her adventurous spirit. At the University of New Hampshire, she competed on a world-class crew team. In 1977, she fought wildfires in California as the only woman on a smokejumper crew. Julia also spent two years bicycling around the world with the friends she met along the way. She was a registered nurse for over 30 years, providing medical care to family and friends. In San Francisco, she volunteered her medical expertise at a free clinic for 10 years. She also believed in keeping the body healthy through yoga, which she taught and promoted to friends and family. Throughout her life, Julia was an intrepid defender of the environment who found opportunities for change, spoke out bravely, and organized the communities she lived in to make it happen. In the 1990s, she helped protect pristine environments by working towards the creation of the Santuit Pond Preserve on Cape Cod. She monitored water quality in Cotuit, MA, every month for five years. As a member of the Cotuit town council, she supported wind energy in the Nantucket sound. Julia continued her environmental work after moving to Maine in 2012. She served on the Kittery Energy and Sustainability Advisory Committee and helped implement energy saving programs by engaging with local businesses, students, and citizens. In 2019, she was the first woman elected to the water district Board of Trustees where she worked to protect drinking water and improve forest management. She initiated the rewriting of the 100 year old charter which was signed into law in 2021, enabling all water users the right to vote. Ever the artist, Julia sang in choirs and attended contra dances wherever she lived. She made pottery, bronze sculpture, and paintings that brought greater awareness to social and environmental issues and celebrated the beauty of nature and the human form. Julia was keenly aware that her journey was enabled by the thousands of friends she met along the way and the big spirit that surrounds and supports us all. She was especially grateful for the love, support, and assistance from her loving partner, Mike Thompson. He was a man for all of her seasons. Julia was predeceased by her partner, Mike, earlier this year; her father, Dick, in 2002 and her mother, Nancy, in 2005. She is survived by her three younger siblings: Richard Higgins and his wife Kim, Brian Higgins and his wife Aviva, and Phyllis Higgins, as well as a niece and nephews, grand-nieces, and grand-nephews. Julia's life will be celebrated at a memorial service on September 20, at 2 p.m. at the South Church Unitarian Universalist Congregation in Portsmouth, NH.
--The Weekly Sentinel, Friday August 8, 2025: https://theweeklysentinel.com
p12: https://issuu.com/weeklysentinel/docs/ws_aug._8_2025/12

It is with great sadness that we share news of Julia O'Connell's passing. Julia was a longtime member who frequently exhibited and volunteered with the KAA. She was an expert at delivering one-liners and sharing surprising facts. Julia left her career in nursing to fight wildfires in California before moving East. She could often be found doing yoga at sunrise at Seapoint Beach. A member of the Seacoast Moderns, Julia saw art as a medium to promote social change, self awareness, and a greater appreciation of the beauty in and around us. When she was not sculpting with clay or volunteering in the arts, she devoted her time to climate advocacy through her work with the Kittery Water District, Energy Maine, and The Kittery Land Trust. Julia was a force of nature and will be dearly missed.
--Kittery Art Association, Friday, August 1, 2025:
https://www.instagram.com/p/DM0oQ7Yxkl7

Labels: jo

 
» On 8/01/2025 12:05:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Famous People With Myasthenia Gravis. Plus Anecdotes. 

[I was diagnosed with MG in June.] According to Wikipedia, Aristotle Onassis (billionaire who married Jacqueline Kennedy in 1968) died in 1975 at age 69 of respiratory failure, a complication of the Myasthenia Gravis from which he had suffered the last years of his life. MG affected his ability to keep his eyelids open. [classic Onassis anecdote] [Rembrandt]

Other famous people with MG include Sir Laurence Olivier (actor, 22 May 1907 – 11 Jul 1989; Age 82; diagnosed @60yo), David Niven (actor, 01 Mar 1910 – 29 Jul 1983; Age 73), Phil Silvers (actor, 11 May 1911 – 01 Nov 1985; Age 74; diagnosed @61yo), Karl Malden (actor, 22 Mar 1912 - 01 Jul 2009; Age 97), Suzanne Rogers (actress, b. 09 Jul 1943; Age 82; diagnosed @41yo), and Monica Seles (tennis legend, b. 02 Dec 1973; Age 51; diagnosed @48yo).

Also, the character of Sleepy (from "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs") was reportedly inspired by a friend of Walt Disney who had MG, exhibiting the well-known symptom of drooping eyelids.

The following interchanges are from a book called Disorder in the Court and were actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters...
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: This Myasthenia Gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

Labels: mg20

 
» On 7/01/2025 12:01:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Mestinon® - is the treatment worse than the disease? 

I've been suffering from double vision, droopy eyelids, and slurred speech since the fall of 2022.
And I've had other autoimmune issues since the spring of 2006.
So I've had 19 years of various tests: MRI, MRA, CT, blood, urine, EEG, EKG, X-rays, cerebral angiogram (roto-rooter, up through my crotch).
And I've seen many different kinds of practitioners - allopath, osteopath, homeopath, acupuncturist, hypnotherapist - who have all been unable to track down my ailment.
But early in June, I found a neurologist who correctly diagnosed Myasthenia Gravis.
It's a chronic autoimmune disease, incurable but not too serious, in my case.
So now we're searching for the best way to manage it.
First up is pyridostigmine bromide, the generic version of Mestinon® ("M®").
But 3-hydroxy-1-methylpyridinium bromide dimethylcarbamate (M®) has been implicated as a causal factor in Gulf War syndrome.
In military settings, M® is used as a pretreatment for exposure to nerve gas.
Possible side effects of M® include: nausea, frequent urination, diarrhea, vomiting, abdominal pain, cramps, muscle twitching, and erectile dysfunction.
And my wife is preparing herself to deal with a possible myasthenic crisis and/or a cholinergic crisis.

But... when I began taking M® last week, MY DOUBLE VISION STARTED TO CLEAR UP, for the first time in 2½ years! The eyelids stopped drooping, and my peripheral vision and balance started coming back.
M® is NOT a cure. It's a test, and a band-aid. I'll know more when I see the neurologist again, in a couple of weeks.

Labels: mg20

 
» On 6/15/2025 05:30:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
Please, No Photographs. 

[This is the last of five essays (https://snzltr.blogspot.com/search/label/zoe) intended as a sort of love letter to Francis Ford Coppola's Zoetrope.com Virtual Studio, which is closing tonight, after a glorious 25-year run. Thanks, Francis - you improved a whole lotta lives!]

In 2006, someone on the Zoetrope boards posted the link to a Variety article, announcing a new TV pilot by Kevin Williamson (Dawson's Creek, Scream 1-4, The Vampire Diaries). Shooting was set to take place in the city where I was working as the Online Editor for Palm Springs Life magazine. After doing some digging, I realized I could audition for an under-three-line acting gig. The experience would be good fodder for PSL's online magazine "The Life," so I went for it.

Gail O'Grady (NYPD Blue's Donna Abandando) was one of the stars of Hidden Palms, and she had an ice-tea-sipping interlude with two other women on a country-club patio. Look for me and my blue polo shirt - it plays a crucial backup rôle in that scene.

Side note: The director moved me around many times, probably looking for the precisely-right combination of Gail's lovely blonde hair and the blue of my shirt: "Hey, you in the blue polo, move right a bit." After a couple of orders like that, the AD came over and asked for my name. For the rest of the scene (45 minutes of on-and-off filming), it was: "Hey Alan, move right a bit." By the end of the scene, you'll notice that I was on the other side of Gail's head. The director treated me well, for a lowly day player. I was the envy of all the other extras. 😉

Video: http://9TimeZones.com/cz.htm


Celebrating A Volcanic Eruption Of Creativity

Labels: zoe

 
» On 6/14/2025 06:30:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, Alan wrote:
The Inside Pitch. 

In the summer of 2005, a program description appeared on the Zoetrope.com boards. It was billed as a TV taping of two ICM execs, listening to screenwriter pitches and giving them feedback. I really suck at pitching, but I thought maybe I could learn something, so Anikó and I went to the event, down in Culver City. The execs were very entertaining, and everybody was having lots of fun, so after watching several other writers stumble through their pitches, I worked up the courage to give it a shot. My presentation was as crappy as I expected, but they were nice enough to include a short clip of my stumbling in the DVD credits.

Here's the DVD description: "This Emmy nominated, award winning program is a fast paced, engaging way to learn the art and business of selling a script in Hollywood. An American Idol for screenwriters, this program appeals to anyone interested in the behind the scenes workings of the movie business. The program features ICM executives, Christopher Lockhart and Jack d’Annibale fielding aspiring screenwriter's pitches and giving their honest, sometimes harsh, but often hilarious critiques."

Labels: zoe